Habits, ’truth’ or other phenomenon that have grown from tradition or other source (e.g. family, disciplinary or cultural) and become part of our practice that may or may not have any evidence base for the practice. 

Parenting

My parents were born and bred in England from Irish folk and both from military upbringings.  My father was by trade a boat builder, a Fireman and then a Sailor in the Royal Navy during the Second World War.  After the war ended my father joined the Royal Australian Navy and came to Australia. 

My father was terribly English and he taught me - whether rightly or wrongly, to keep a stiff British upper lip and to pull myself up by own boot laces.  I learnt to do things in a military and orderly manner, we ate at set times, I learnt to polish shoes and not just any polish – spit polish no less (I had the shiniest shoes in school!), iron clothes with crisp sharp edges, maintain a certain organisation in my bedroom and when doing anything, start at the bottom and work my way up.  My mother, although a very good housekeeper and cook was not particularly maternal, definitely not Mrs Robinson from Lost in Space or Mrs Brady from the Brady Bunch!

As a family we did not hug each other in greeting, kiss goodbye or hello, sit on knees, ‘children were seen and not heard’and you definitely weren’t allowed to get sick (especially on a school day).  If ever an injury was sustained it was to be handled with a fair amount of restraint and intestinal fortitude!  Rolling around on the floor in feigned agony, or otherwise, like a soccer prima donna was not to be tolerated!

Not surprisingly before I finished school there were two things I knew.

1. I knew I never wanted children of my own so I never needed to think about parenting skills.

2. I knew the military life was where I was going because I believed it offered me the challenges, the discipline and the organisation I was familiar with.  I joined the Royal Australian Air Force and I have to admit I did not find it a difficult transition at all.

I think my parents were a product of their time, the lead up to, during and post Second World War in Plymouth, England which experienced some of the heaviest bombing raids in the country in 1941.  I believe they raised me to the best of their ability and were influenced by what they had experienced in their upbringings.  On a trip to the UK last year I met my father’s sister while researching my family tree.  She also chose not to have children and told me that my father and her were never allowed to be sick and were pretty well governed by the same rules my father applied to our family.  

As life would have it, I became a step parent and have been for the last 11 years, so I can now look back and question some of theparenting methods used by my parents, such as: an unwillingness to be seen to be emotional; a lack of real interaction when it came to schooling other than completing all levels of schooling and ensuring good marks were achieved; minimal patience or tolerance for perceived failure or bad behavior; not taking the time in actually listening or asking what was happening in our lives.  I have however used some of the same approaches to parenting my parents used, such asbeing a parent and not necessarily a friend (I think it is important in order to maintain and enforce rules of the house), maintaining a certain level of discipline and expectations, encouraging involvement in outdoor activities and encouragement in learning and understanding.  I have chosen to modify some of the things I experienced in my upbringing such as involvement in the schooling and homework process, discussions about the good and the bad things in life and an open mindedness that the world is full of people who are different with different ideas, lives and beliefs.  I still believe in the theory of the stiff British upper lip but it is something that is not ordinarily understood now, so I prefer to encourage strength where required and that at times there is a need to pull oneself up by the bootlaces when the going gets tough.  

I can only judge if what I am doing is working by what I see and hear on a daily basis, but for now I can only do what I believe is right and apply my parenting skills based on the values and morals I was raised with.  The closest I have come to seeking more parenting information is by speaking with other people with children to see what they do or don’t do as well as having read the odd media article. 

I do not have any regrets about the upbringing I received because even though it has taken me many years to realise that I don't always have to have a stiff British upper lip, it taught me to be strong and to always keep going.  I don’t really think there is a book or a website or a TV show that can teach someone everything there is to know about parenting, I think we take things we experienced as a child and modify it to suit the times and the environment a child is being raised in as well as the good and bad experiences we have had in life.

When I cleared out my fathers garage after he passed he away I found this still standing on one of his work shelves